Bourbon Creams and Tattered Dreams
By Mary Gibson
Publication Date: 12th January 2017
Publisher: Head of Zeus
Pages: 426
Genre: Historical, Drama, Fiction
Format: Hardback
Source: Publisher
Amazon UK / Amazon US
Frank Rossi promised Matty the world. The Cockney Canary would become a world famous movie star. As his wife, she would be one half of a power couple, feted and adored by all.
But the Wall Street crash puts paid to that and as Frank becomes more violent and unstable, Matty knows she must escape and so she flees at dead of night.Once home in Bermondsey, she goes into hiding and starts desperately looking for work. But only the hated biscuit factory, Peek Frean's, is hiring.
Then, as a secret from her past comes back to hurt her, Matty learns that Frank is on the move, determined to find her and get her back.
My Review
Matty Gilbie has a heart and soul for singing, so much so people dubbed her as 'The Cockney Canary' life was going good, especially when she got a big chance to go to America although that is where things started to go wrong for her. Frank Rossi would be anyone's dream man on the outside, then again that is until you know him. As when you know him, you will want to run in the opposite direction, which is what Matty does.
Arriving back in her hometown of Bermondsey, she is broken and a shell of herself, unsure of herself and what people will think of her now that she is back. Hiding away in one of her safe haven's she has time to think and recover from the events that transpired. Seeing her family again is just what she need and she soon starts to feel a bit better, but is still looking over her shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Wanting to put her life back together, Matty knows she is going to have to take any job that pays a decent wage, as she is going to have to pay Frank money so that he will stay out of her life for good. Singing is mostly all she knows but as people haven't got money and not willing to pay money to see someone perform when they need to feed themselves, Matty decides that maybe she needs to think of a more long term option.
The start of the the book shatters your heart when you realise what Matty has been through but as I read on, I felt more and more that she went from strength to strength. Not all of her story is happy, but she seems to take the heartache and puts it towards making something of herself so she can finally be free of her past and focus on her future.
I would have to say my favourite character would be Nellie, I love her take no crap type of attitude. She is good not just for Sam but for the whole family, she is the glue that keeps the family together as they go through some big changes and some devastating news that affects everyone in the Gilbie family.
Bourbon Creams and Tattered Dreams (Love the name!) is a heartfelt story about following your dreams, giving it your all and what happens when it all comes apart. I couldn't recommend this book enough, to me it is beautifully written and told throughout the book, making me wish that it would never end.
Three Words
Amazing, Heartfelt and Moving.
My Rating
Extract
2
No Place Like Home
June–July 1930
Matty was nervous. She dreaded her brother Sam’s disappointment
more than anything. She suspected he would see through the
charade of her success where Eliza had not. She’d never worried
about disappointing her sister.
‘Are you coming with me to Sam’s?’ Matty asked her the
following day, hoping she would say yes. Eliza’s presence might
at least deflect some of Sam’s questions.
‘I wouldn’t miss the look on his face when he sees you!’ Eliza
replied.
‘He shouldn’t be surprised – I sent a telegram saying I’d be
there this afternoon.’
‘Not surprised. I meant he’ll be so pleased. He’s missed you,
Matty.’
But Matty didn’t have to be told that. He’d never wanted her
to go to America, but her brother’s letters had been regular and
affectionate.
Now she was regretting that her replies had been so
infrequent. She told herself there’d been good reasons: first she’d
been taken up with work, and later she simply couldn’t bear to
fill her letters with lies about her life with Frank. But Sam had
deserved better from her.
They walked to Sam’s and on the way Matty was assaulted by
her past, the myriad smells of Bermondsey conjuring up her life
with Sam and Nellie in Vauban Street and her stint as a factory
girl. How could she have forgotten the overpowering scent of strawberries wafting from Lipton’s jam factory or the sickly
vanilla of Pearce Duff’s custard?
Matty glanced up at a row of
tall windows.
‘God, look at that custard powder still on the sills, Eliza! I
swear it’s four inches deeper than when I was last here… I don’t
know how Nellie stands it.’
‘Oh, Nellie’s not on the factory floor any more, didn’t you
know? She’s cleaning the offices now – part-time. It’s easier with
the boys.’
Matty felt guilty that she didn’t know this small but important
detail about Nellie’s work. Once their lives had been as intertwined
as mother and daughter. She should have known. But achieving her
own heart’s desire had resulted in casualties. Going to America had
meant walking away from her friends, her family, and abandoning
Tom, the man who’d wanted to marry her.
Not for the first time,
she rued the day she’d ever persuaded herself to leave. Yet she
knew she could have done nothing else.
‘Ah, home sweet home! Can’t beat that old boneyard smell,
can you!’ Matty took an exaggerated breath of the smells from
Young’s glue factory. Its two tall brick chimneys loomed up at the
end of Vauban Street. They belched smoke that billowed between
the rows of crumbling terraced houses. She was only partly joking,
for in spite of the smells and dirt from the surrounding factories
it had been a sweet home that Nellie Clark had made for her and
her brother Charlie after their mother died.
Eliza pointed up to a huge hoarding on the side wall of a
grocer’s shop on the corner. A man on a ladder was in the process
of removing the old poster in readiness to put up a new one.
Although half of it had already been scraped away, Matty recognized
it immediately.
‘Oh dear God, I don’t believe it!’ Matty tipped back her head.
There was her own face, looking back at her, sad and haunted,
haloed in the glow from a gas lamp, against a backdrop of a foggy
London scene. In the other corner a villainous-looking man with
a long chin and slicked-back hair looked at her lasciviously.
Hear the Cockney Canary Sing! was emblazoned over the top of the
film title London Affair.
‘Well, I’m glad you got to see it,’ Eliza said. ‘It’s been up there
for months. The boys have been so proud. When they showed the
film here the queue went all the way round the Star and back up
almost to Dockhead!’
Matty clapped her hands in involuntary delight. ‘Oh, I wish I
could have seen that, Eliza! It would have meant more to me than
any New York showing.’
And suddenly she was surrounded by a crowd of excited
children.
‘That’s my aunt! She’s famous, she’s American!’ She heard
her nine-year-old nephew, Billy, before she saw him, running
towards her, followed by his two younger brothers. She was glad
she’d defied the smutty air of Bermondsey and worn her pale
pink, shawl-collared coat, with matching kid gloves and shoes.
The outfit might be more fitting to the sun-washed streets of
Los Angeles, but she drew herself up, ready to be Matty on the
stage, just for Billy.
A woman poked her head out of the nearest window to see
what all the commotion was about and soon neighbours were
standing at their doors.
‘Giss a song, Matty!’ a young fellow trundling a handcart full
of vegetables from the greengrocer on the corner called out to her.
She laughed and caught up a cabbage, holding it in front of her,
like a bouquet, then did a twirl to show off her costume and sang
a snatch of ‘Why am I always the bridesmaid, never the blushing
bride?’ which elicited a cheer from the little crowd. Billy dragged
her to the nearest open front door and into the beloved old house.
‘I’ve a good mind to tan your hide, Matty Gilbie, how was I
meant to put on a spread with one day’s notice!’ Nellie pulled her
into a strong embrace. Her boys, Billy, Sammy and Albie, were
ranged for inspection, neat in grey shorts and white shirts. Poor
Nellie must have had a morning of it trying to keep them clean
and off the street.
They broke ranks and gathered round as Matty dug into her bag, drawing out her gifts, model cars that brought
cries of joyful recognition. ‘A Cadillac, a Bugatti, a Chrysler!’
‘Come on now, boys, give Auntie Matty a bit of room.’
Albie, the youngest, threatened to be swallowed up in the depths
of her bag, looking for more, and Nellie pulled him out.
‘Sorry, Matty, they’re just over-excited. We all are.’ Nellie
showed her to the kitchen table, which in spite of the short notice,
she’d managed to load with sandwiches and cake and trifle – no
doubt courtesy of Pearce Duff’s jelly and custard departments.
‘Where’s Sam?’ Matty asked, puzzled that her brother hadn’t
rushed to greet her with the rest of the family.
‘Oh, I think he’s just having a smoke in the backyard, I’ll go
and get him.’
She saw a look pass between Nellie and Eliza and immediately
felt excluded from an inner circle that she’d once taken for granted.
‘No, I’ll go,’ she said, and slipped past Nellie into the backyard.
Her brother was standing with his back to her, a cigarette held
between finger and thumb. She doubted that he hadn’t heard the
commotion of her arrival.
‘Sam?’
He took a long drag on the cigarette and for a moment she
thought he wasn’t going to turn round. Then he faced her. His
weather-bronzed face looked older and there was more grey in
his dark hair, but it was his dark eyes that she searched for the
signs of forgiveness.
‘Hello, stranger,’ he said, flicking the cigarette to the ground.
How could Eliza have pretended he would be pleased to see her?
He didn’t seem pleased at all. Then she ran to him and flung her
arms around his neck. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t write much!’ she blurted
out, refusing to let go as he tried to unpeel her arms.
‘Well, it’s like Mum used to say, I suppose, “out of sight, out
of mind”.’
Now she was sure she’d hurt him. ‘Never out of mind, Sam.’
He shrugged. ‘Nellie’s had to rush round getting a tea together.’
She couldn’t bear this coolness from her once adoring brother.
If he knew, she told herself, why there had been no notice, why
there had been so few letters, he wouldn’t be so hard. But they
were the last excuses she would use to defend herself.
‘I’ve not had an easy time of it lately. I just needed to get home.’
At the sight of her tears, Sam’s eyes softened and she felt strong
arms enfold her.
‘Well, I’m happy our little canary’s come back to us,’ he
whispered into her hair. And when he used the phrase, it had
nothing to do with the six-foot poster at the end of the street. It
was just her old family nickname, earned when she’d sung from
morning till night just because it was as natural to her as breathing.
After tea the boys were allowed out into the streets with their
cars and as Nellie cleared the tea things, Matty offered to help
wash up.
‘No, you won’t, you’re the guest of honour. Eliza will help me.’
Both Matty and Eliza knew when not to argue with Nellie and
her sister followed meekly into the scullery, leaving Matty alone
with Sam, who silently rolled another cigarette.
She stood at the kitchen window, looking along the row of
houses where roofs dipped at drunken angles and fences were
rotting. She was still feeling a little awkward, even though she
knew she’d been forgiven. Sam followed her gaze.
‘The council are talking about pulling the whole lot down
and building flats here.’ He plucked strands of tobacco from the
roll-up.
‘Not a moment too soon, it’s driving poor Nellie up the
wall. The place is crumbling with damp and the rats are coming
in from the boneyard. We’re up half the night making sure they
don’t go on the boys’ beds.’
‘Oh, Sam, I didn’t know it had got that bad. But where will
you go?’
‘We’re down for a council flat, in The Grange – you know, by
the leather factories. Just hope they finish building them soon.’
Matty felt a familiar guilt.
She had planned to come back a rich
woman, able to buy Sam and his family a semi in a nice suburb rather than a council flat opposite some of the smelliest factories
in Bermondsey.
‘I wish I could do more,’ she said lamely and saw Sam bristle.
‘My family’s not your responsibility, Matty. Besides, the new
job at the Bricklayer’s Arms pays better money than I’ve had all
me life.’
Sam drove a horse and cart, working out of the huge railway
depot up by Old Kent Road; it had been a step up from working
for Wicks, the local carter, and the extra wages would at least
mean he could afford the rent on the new council flat.
‘You’ve done enough for me, Sam, over the years.’ She went and
sat on the arm of his chair, draping her arm round his shoulders
as he smoked silently for a while.
‘I’ve only ever been glad for your success, duck. I’m sorry about
before. You mustn’t feel you owe us anything.’
It was going to be now or never; she just had to be brave.
‘Sam, I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘What’s that?’ He put out his cigarette between his finger and
thumb, saving some for later, and looked at her expectantly.
‘I’m thinking of making it a longer stay, perhaps try to get a
run in the West End, what do you think?’
Eliza and Nellie came back just in time to overhear her
question.
‘Ah, I knew there was something!’ Eliza declared, smiling
triumphantly first at Sam then at Nellie. ‘She’s been homesick.
I feared as much. But, Matty – a London show? What would
happen to your screen career – aren’t these things all a matter
of timing?’
Matty would rather have explained things to Sam first, but
now she went on.
‘I can’t pretend I haven’t been homesick. I’ve missed you all,
and I’ve missed the London stage, my home crowd… you know.’
Matty could normally hold a smile for hours, but unaccountably
she felt her lower lip tremble. Suddenly Eliza leaned forward and
took her hand. ‘Rubbish, of course you’ve been homesick, Matty. And God
knows I wouldn’t blame you. When I was in Melbourne with
Ernest I used to walk by the river and pretend it was the Thames!
There’s no shame in that.’
Had Eliza seen shame on her face then? There seemed little point
in trying to deflect her.
‘Well, yes… but it’s not only homesickness,’
she said.
‘If you’re not happy in America, you don’t have to stay there,
duck,’ Sam said matter-of-factly. ‘God knows, we’d be happy
enough if you come home. Besides, don’t they make talkies in
England too? But I suppose Mr Rossi would have something to
say about it.’
‘Oh, I don’t take orders from Frank!’ Matty declared, perhaps
a little too strongly.
‘No, of course not – nor from anyone else!’ Sam raised his eyes
and they all laughed.
‘But it’s not been so easy financing the new film, since the
Crash that is.
There’s been a bit of a hiccup… I thought I’d
make the most of it, see my family, you know.’ Matty felt she
was stumbling.
‘Talking of Mr Rossi,’ Eliza interrupted with a knowing smile.
‘He’s been a great friend to your career – but is it a little more than
a business partnership between you two?’
Matty felt a flush rising and was glad of the pale face powder
she’d dusted herself with so liberally. She dipped her head to her
handbag, feeling around for her cigarettes.
‘Leave her alone, Eliza, you’re making our Matty blush.’ Nellie
tried to come to her rescue and Matty shot her a grateful look,
but Eliza would not be put off.
‘I saw the photograph you sent Sam and Nellie of you two in
his beautiful car, where was it? Los Angeles? He’s very handsome,
Matty.’
Matty smiled as if Eliza had caught her out. Yes, Frank was
handsome. She hadn’t been able to take her eyes off him that
first day they’d met, when he came backstage at the New York Hippodrome. Hair black as a raven’s wing, swept back from his
forehead, brown eyes fringed with dark lashes, long as a girl’s, and
teeth like sharp pearls, flashing a smile as warm as the Italian sun
he’d been born under.
Oh, he was handsome all right, and Matty,
to her intense annoyance, had felt the power of his charm pierce
her normal defences with ease.
‘All right, if you must know, it is more… or rather, it was for
a while.’ She shrugged her shoulders and flicked a tube of white
ash into the fire grate. ‘It just… didn’t work out.’
Eliza, never one to ignore an awkward silence, plunged on.
‘Are you very upset about it?’
‘Upset? No! Not at all.’ And that part at least was true.
That evening Matty called in at the Star to see the manager, Bernie,
for old time’s sake. These days it was primarily a cinema, but they
still staged variety shows and a weekly talent contest when young
hopefuls such as she’d once been could try their luck.
She stood
before the front steps, looking up at the old building which was
dominated by huge film billboards. She was sad to see the old
‘Lardy’, as it had been known in her day, was no longer looking so
‘la-di-dah’. Bernie had let the place go and she thought it looked a
bit of a fleapit. She pushed through one of the front doors.
‘Is Bernie in?’ she asked a young woman who was clearing up
after the afternoon’s tupenny rush. The girl looked up and blushed,
recognition dawning on her face.
‘I’ll get him for you, Miss Gilbie.’
She hurried away and while
she was waiting Matty poked her head into the cinema. If she
needed any convincing that the glory days of the old music hall
were numbered, this was it. The carpet was still littered with the
detritus of the tupenny rush, and a young boy was going along
the rows collecting empty bottles of pop and sweeping up peanut
shells. The ironwork was rusting on the ornate horseshoe-shaped
balconies and great chunks of ornamental plaster were missing
from the ceiling. That much hadn’t changed – the plaster had
been crumbling for years – and she searched out above the stage the very patch which had fallen during one of her performances
and nearly killed her. She seemed to hear the echo of her former
self ringing around the place.
All those rousing patriotic songs,
God forgive her, she’d sung on that stage during the war. How
many young men had been inspired by those to take themselves
off to the battlefields of France? She shuddered, then turned at
the sound of Bernie’s voice.
‘Matty, you’re a sight for sore eyes! Come here, beautiful.’
Bernie gave her a loud kiss and laughed. ‘What you slumming
it down the old Lardy for? You should be in Hollywood making
yer next talkie!’
He beckoned her out and she followed him to his tiny
office. The walls were plastered with old programmes and
posters proclaiming the luminaries who’d graced the Star’s
stage over the years: Marie Lloyd and Vesta Tilley, Dan Leno
and Charlie Chaplin – she doubted he’d ever be popping in to
see Bernie again. And of course, she was up there too – the
Cockney Canary. Bernie poured her a gin and fixed her with
his professional eye. It was Bernie she had to thank for her first
singing job – last on the bill a couple of nights a week during
the war, and although the Star was now past its prime Bernie
still knew the business inside out.
‘Between you and me, Matty, and it won’t go no further, I
heard about yer bit of trouble.’
Matty froze. How much did he know? Nobody knew all of it,
not even Esme. She took a gulp of gin and leaned back against
the torn leather chair. Keeping her face expressionless, she waited
for Bernie to carry on.
‘I heard Mr Rossi’s been finding it hard – getting you a backer
for that new talkie. Not surprising the way things are over there.
Is that why you’ve come back? Drumming up a bit of homegrown
support?’
Matty let out a silent breath. If this was all Bernie knew, then
she had nothing to fear. She’d brought home with her secrets far
more dangerous than a failing career.
‘Times are hard, Bernie. To be honest I’m looking forward
to having a break from the acting, getting back to singing while
Frank’s doing all the financial stuff.’
Bernie nodded his head. ‘Esme’s been on the blower. I told her
these days we only have a show once a month… the Lardy’s not
what it used to be.’ He flung his arm wide, taking in all the past
stars in its firmament.
‘But we’d love to have the Cockney Canary
back… if you’re sure it’s worth your while?’
He fixed her with an appraising eye. Where was her star? He
seemed to be asking himself. Was she still in the ascendant, or
was she even now dipping low in the night sky, soon to disappear
forever? Perhaps she might have to disappear one day.
If Frank
came looking, he’d only have to scan the show bills to find her.
But for now she needed money and the down-at-heel old Star,
tucked away in the maze of Bermondsey’s streets, was the least
risky place she could earn it. Besides, the possibility of singing
again had been the first thing to lift her heart since she arrived
back in England. If she had to give up singing, then she might as
well give up breathing.
‘For old time’s sake!’ She smiled and lifted her glass.
‘To the good old days!’ Bernie lifted his own and she noticed
his shirt cuff was frayed. Times were hard for all of them it
seemed.
As she left Bernie, with a firm booking for top billing at the
next variety show, she reflected on the ‘little bit of trouble’ Bernie
had referred to. She was relieved he only knew the half of it, but
she’d been surprised that particular piece of showbiz news had
made its way across the Atlantic already.
Her first talkie had given
her minor fame, but she’d known for a long time that a second
would never be made. The Cockney Canary’s flight had in some
ways been cut short by the flights of others.
They’d called them ‘the flyers’, the ruined men who couldn’t
face life after the Wall Street Crash last year. She’d seen one
with her own eyes, casting himself from the skyscraper on to the
merciless wind. Matty had looked up, following Frank’s excited, pointing finger. She wasn’t worried for the man, caught like a
disjointed puppet on a whirling eddy. That ridiculous optimistic
streak of hers had made her certain that he could fall hundreds
of feet and at the last minute be jolted back from death by the
invisible wire.
Her years in the theatre had taught her that a
flyer always had a harness and a wire; she’d flown with one
herself, that year she’d played Peter Pan at the Alhambra. But
instead the poor man had exploded on to the sidewalk like a ripe
watermelon and Frank had to hustle her away into the nearest
speakeasy, plying her with bourbon till the trembling gave way to
a shocked numbness. She couldn’t know how in that moment her
own fortunes had already turned, diving with the flyers whose
ruined fortunes would leech money from backers of Broadway
shows and talkies alike. Matty’s show at the Star sold out in days.
Her Bermondsey fans
filled the balconies and she gave them her trademark selection of
music hall favourites and new jazz songs. Her versatility had been
part of her success; she could sing anything. She was pure and
bright with ‘Silver Lining’, smoky and sultry with ‘Am I Blue?’
Then she made sure to make them laugh with her native cockney
version of ‘Don’t Have Any More Missus More’. It felt good to
be back here, in the place where she’d started. It reminded her of
an earlier, simpler self, when all she needed to do was follow her
desire to sing.
She felt all the scattered parts of herself returning
and as she sang, she felt the weight of her grief begin to lighten.
She was aware of Sam and Nellie and the rest of the family
sitting in the front row, but in her imagination she placed another
two in the audience: her mother, Lizzie, and her father, Michael
Gilbie, who had died when she was only eight. They would stand
her in their little kitchen when she was small, teaching her to sing
from the stomach, indulging her fanciful ‘shows’ and praising her
efforts so that she knew she could only ever be a success.
Whatever
stage she was on, in New York or London, it was always to them that she sang, and tonight was no different. The applause was so
thunderous she thought the balconies might collapse along with a
bit more of the ceiling plaster. After the show well-wishers called
backstage, where Bernie had put on a party for her.
‘They gave you a good old Bermondsey welcome, didn’t they?’
Will James plucked two drinks from a side table and offered her
one. Tonight he was dressed in a sharp evening suit and looked
nothing like a docker. Matty felt the collar. ‘Nice whistle, you
wearing that for the next rally to Hyde Park?’
‘Very funny, I’m just making an effort for you! But I bet all this
must seem small beer after those glamorous Hollywood parties?’
Matty shook her head. ‘This is the best audience in the world!’
Eliza had overheard them. ‘She’s in no hurry to rush back to
America, are you, Matty?’
And Matty smiled, perhaps a little too fixedly, for Eliza drew
her to one side.
‘Is everything all right, Matty? If you’re tired we
can leave. Sam and Nellie need to get back for the boys anyway.’
Matty nodded. ‘I’m ready to go.’ She was tired, but she was
also worried. Esme had been unable to get her any more bookings.
The Star once a month and the occasional appearance at the South
London Palace wouldn’t keep the wolf from the door. Esme had
promised to try the provinces for her. But Matty knew her tiredness
was mostly the result of keeping up the charade. She had never
been good at keeping secrets, and now she felt weighed down by
layers of them.
Will walked them as far as Reverdy Road, but the night was
still young for him and he stopped on the doorstep.
‘Actually the “whistle” wasn’t just for you.’ He smoothed down
the well-cut jacket. ‘I’m off to a little club in Soho and you’d be
surprised how many well-heeled young men will cough up for
International Red Aid, especially if the person asking is wearing
a decent suit!’
He winked at Matty, who found herself relieved he wasn’t
coming home with them. Grateful for time alone with Eliza,
she’d learned that her sister could be a wise confidante. Perhaps it was time to be more truthful. Who knew, she might be able
to help?
They sat in the parlour with sherries, which Eliza had insisted
they end the evening with.
‘It’s a triumphant return – you can’t go to bed on a cup of tea,
Matty!’
Matty gave a tired smile and heaved a deep sigh. ‘Eliza, the
truth is, it’s not a triumphant return at all. I’ve not been straight
with you,’ she said in a rush. ‘And my career’s not going well, it’s
going badly – has been since the Crash.’
She let out a breath. It was a relief to finally tell even that much
of the truth, but she felt a blush rise to her cheeks as Eliza stared
at her doubtfully.
‘Not going well? How can that be, Matty? Didn’t you see
that poster in Vauban Street they were taking down? And look
at tonight! They love you here, they loved you on Broadway,
and what about Mr Rossi – he’s getting you into another talkie,
isn’t he?’
‘Well, he did have plenty of ideas about my fabulous screen
career. But, Eliza, he never counted on the Crash. The money
ran out.’
‘But your Broadway show was a big hit. Surely they’d want
you for another one.’
Matty raised her eyes and cocked her head to one side, in what
she hoped was a plucky-looking gesture.
‘Truth is the show closed a few weeks after the Crash and
there’s no backer for a new one.’
‘Oh, Matty, I’m so sorry, my dear. You’ve had all this worry
and you never said a word to us.’
‘You couldn’t have helped me, Eliza. Not unless you’ve got any
advice on how to revive a failing music hall career. If you have I’d
be all ears!’ And she pulled at her lobes in a stage gesture which
didn’t have her sister fooled for an instant.
‘Matty, dear.’ She put her arm round her. ‘If they don’t
want you over there, you must just come back home, everyone loves you here.’
And she looked down with eyes full of an
unaccountable love, which had always surprised Matty and
sometimes puzzled her, since she’d done nothing at all to deserve
it. For an instant she let herself lean against her sister, pretending
that this was the extent of her problems, that all she had to do
was pick up where she’d left off three years ago.
As if the world
was still bounded only by the West End and the Old Kent Road
and she’d never heard of Frank Rossi, nor any of his plans for
her great screen career.
‘It’s not as simple as that, Eliza.’
‘Actually, it is, Matty. The simplest thing is always to go where
you are loved, and leave where you are not.’
It made Matty cry to hear this, after her months of feeling so
alone with her secret loss, and she wished she could tell Eliza the
whole truth.
But instead with her finger she traced an old scar on
the inside of her wrist. It looked like a wild strawberry, but was
nothing so sweet; it was the trace of a cigarette burn earned for
questioning one of Frank’s business choices.
‘My agent’s having trouble getting me bookings. I’m a bit
worried about funds.’
Eliza looked shocked.
‘I put my own money into the new film…’ Matty explained.
‘Ohh, I see. And has that taken up all your savings?’
Matty nodded.
‘But things will get better, Matty, and until then you’ll always
have a home here and you’re not to worry about money, do you
hear me?’
Matty grasped Eliza’s hand.
‘You’ve always been so good to
me, Eliza, not that I’ve deserved it. I know I used to be such an
ungrateful little cow, but you’ve been the best of sisters.’
Eliza held on to her hand and Matty saw her eyes pool.
‘That means the world to me, Matty.’ Eliza closed her eyes
and a spasm passed briefly across her face as she was caught by a
coughing fit that left her breathless and unable to speak. She put
a hand to her side, trying to cushion the effect of the coughing.
‘Liza?’ Matty asked, alarmed to see her in pain.
But then her sister opened her eyes and smiled. ‘Those old seats
at the Star have wreaked havoc with my back muscles. Let’s go
to bed, and remember what I said, this is your home now and it
always will be.’
She got up and put her arm round Eliza. ‘I don’t deserve you,’
she said, and together they walked slowly upstairs, Matty’s heart
feeling lighter for having shed at least one of her secrets.
Another day, another book,
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